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Kenny at the Bat

By Teresa Chiv. Based on the ballad, “Casey at the Bat.”

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NARRATOR: Well, here we are in Arlington, Texas at the Ameriquest Field. The Texas Rangers and the New York Yankees are playing for the national championship. It’s a real nail biter, folks. It’s the bottom of the ninth inning and the score is 4 to 2, Yankees in the lead. The Rangers are up to bat.

FAN #1: Here comes Mark Teshera. He’s pretty good at hitting.

UMPIRE: Strike one!

NARRATOR: There’s the pitch again! Oh no. That’s two strikes for Teshera.

FAN #3: Boo! Hiss!

PITCHER: Hey batter, batter, batter!

NARRATOR: There’s the pitch!

UMPIRE: Strike three! You’re out!

FAN #3: One out; we’ve got to get a hit, guys!

NARRATOR: And now, Alfonso Soriano is stepping up to the plate!

FAN #1: Yikes! Strike one.

FAN #2: Come on Alfonso; you can do it!

UMPIRE: Strike two. Strike three! You’re out!

FAN #3: That’s two outs. This game is over. I’m going home.

FAN #1: I’m staying. I’m not worried. We just have to get Kenny Rogers up to bat.

FAN #2: Kenny can do it! He never lets us down.

FAN #1: Who’s up to bat now?

FAN #2: It’s Kevin Mench. He’s one of my favorites.

NARRATOR: Here’s the pitch! Wow, look at Kevin run! Safe at first!

FAN #1: Oh no; it’s the much feared Chan Ho Park.

FAN #2: Just let us get to Kenny! Kenny can do it!

NARRATOR: Here’s the pitch! Wow, Chan knocks the cover off the ball, and makes it to second.

FAN #1: All right! Kevin’s at third and Chan’s at second. Who’s up to bat now?

FAN #2: It’s Kenny Rogers. Kenny can do it!

FAN #1 and FAN #2: Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!

KENNY: Quiet! There’s nothing to worry about now.

NARRATOR: Well folks, it looks like we worried for nothing. It’s the bottom of the ninth and the score is 4 to 2, Yankees. The Rangers have a man on second and a man on third. Now, Kenny Rogers is up to bat.

FAN #1 and FAN #2: Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!

NARRATOR: The pitcher is rubbing his hands with dirt. He winds up for the pitch. Here it comes!

PITCHER: This is my big chance. Kenny looks so confident—but I’ll make him work for this one!

KENNY: (Yawning) I don’t think I’ll swing at that one. That’s not my style!

UMPIRE: Strike one!

FAN #1 and FAN #2: Kill him. Kill the umpire!

KENNY: Don’t worry! There’s no need to shout. Just let the pitcher try to get another one by me!

PITCHER: Oh dear! He’s ready for me now. I’ll put everything I have into it!

NARRATOR: The pitcher winds up for the pitch. Wow, I’ve never seen a pitch that fast!

UMPIRE: Strike two!

KENNY: Hmmm. That was fast.

FAN #1 and FAN #2: Fraud! Fraud!

KENNY: Quiet! I need to concentrate. You won’t do that again, pitcher!

PITCHER: What should I do? I know he is going to knock this one out of the park! I guess I’ll just do my best.

FAN #1 and FAN #2: Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!

KENNY: I’m ready now! Your best isn’t good enough for me!

FAN #1 and FAN #2: Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!

NARRATOR: Kenny pounds his bat upon the plate. The pitcher holds the ball. And now, he lets it go! The force of Kenny’s blow shatters the air!

FAN #1: I can’t believe it!

FAN #2: Did you see that swing!

NARRATOR: Somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright; the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light. Somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; but there is not joy in Arlington—mighty Kenny has struck out!